look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
