I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
