last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
