I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
