drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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