I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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