i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
