I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
