when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
