any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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