Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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