This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
