So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
