There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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