Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
