They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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