Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
