oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
