Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
