I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
