I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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