haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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