he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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