i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
