Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
