He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Your mouth is God's brothel.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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