We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
