Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we're making bets on your personal life
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
