Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
