yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
