at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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