I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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