gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
