also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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