all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
