I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
