so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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