Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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