i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
