Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
