he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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