I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
