Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize