The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
