She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
