she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
