I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you made out with another girl for some wings
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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