well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
