The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
