I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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