I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
