Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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