He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize