Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
