Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
