I hate all girls vehemently.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
