You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
