Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
