I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
