I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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