Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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