You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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