Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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