This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
