he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
a search helicopter?!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
