i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize