Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
